20160529 Essay: An important skill to be successful

21th Century. It is the period when the collaboration of various ideas exists. People all over the world are now sharing their ideas and making them come true so as to be successful, and success which most people want to achieve gives you the feeling of happiness itself. And in these circumstances is one important skill you need to know: the polite refusal. It might sound contradictory, at the point that the word ‘polite’ and ‘refuse’ make you imagine quite distinct mood of pictures. Though, there clearly is a refusal method that the counterpart gets less hurt: The proportion of the ‘positive’ and ‘negative’ remarks is the key of it. You should say 5 positive things to cite a negative thing, in order to communicate appropriately, according to the love equation suggested by doctor Gottman. So, why is the polite refusal important?

First of all, it can relieve your feelings. Many of you, especially people who want to be kind to others, hesitate to refuse other’s suggestion because you are afraid of making them annoyed. However, unconditional acceptance can rather make others feel stuffy because they always have temporal and situational burden as the counterpart should decide all the things. Also, such the acceptance can contribute to uncomfortable situations to you since none of your opinion is included. For example, when you go to a restaurant for dinner, and you don’t suggest your idea of what to eat, the counterpart will choose your dish and it might not always fit your taste. But if you do not know how to refuse the counterpart’s order, you would not be satisfied. On the contrary, the polite refusal makes the counterpart understand the precise characteristics of you, which can offer a chance to communicate with each other.

Second, it is another way of expressing consideration. Altruism does not mean following others, at all. Saying our own thoughts so that you can participate in making a community’s opinion, which can be showed as a form of refusal, is an expression that you are paying attention to others.

There is an old saying “The proof of the pudding is in the eating.” We should all know the way to refuse well in social relationships to prevent unreasonable situations to happen to you. And it is now the chance to get your own beliefs.